Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Why You Should Avoid Muslim Doctors

After watching a simulation of the resurrection of Jesus at a Christian-themed amusement park, Herman Cain, one of the many fundamentalist stooges running for US president, got up on stage in the auditorium to preach and speak about some of his experiences. This is what he said at one point (from Yahoo! News):

He (Cain) did have a slight worry at one point during the chemotherapy process when he discovered that one of the surgeon's name was "Dr. Abdallah."
"I said to his physician assistant, I said, 'That sounds foreign—not that I had anything against foreign doctors—but it sounded too foreign," Cain tells the audience. "She said, 'He's from Lebanon.' Oh, Lebanon! My mind immediately started thinking, wait a minute, maybe his religious persuasion is different than mine! She could see the look on my face and she said, 'Don't worry, Mr. Cain, he's a Christian from Lebanon.'"
"Hallelujah!" Cain says. "Thank God!"

Cain is right on the money to feel uncomfortable in that situation. I mean, why would you want to be treated by an alien Muslamb doctor? Seriously? They've probably jumped the queue in their medical degree somehow. Muslim medical students clock up arduous work experience hours at the local hospital by pretending to save lives and helping people, when really, they're just hiding in some first-aid supplies closet worshipping and doing that little standing-bumbs-up-onya-knees dance of theirs the entire time. If you know what’s right for you, steer clear away from Muslim doctors. They're way too foreign and so disconnected from our ways. They prescribe antibiotics and garlic sauce for all aches and pains and secretly laugh inside when infidels seek assistance.

Here are some friendly, practical tips to avoid Muslim doctors:

1. Before you make an appointment, be politely bigoted, xenophobic and intolerant by asking the receptionist about the doctor’s “religious persuasion”. People who have names that sound like phlegm being violently coughed up are not necessarily Muslim, so be sure.

2. Try and take a good peek of the doctor in question's office by pacing up and down or pretending to go to the restroom. If you see a miniature camel ornament on the doctor's desk or Arabic calligraphy on the walls, get your arse out of there, cancel your appointment and never return.

3. If you've left your investigating too late and find yourself in the doctor's office, you can always pretend to be a bomb before they go any further. In the middle of explaining your problems, jolt uncontrollably and make explosive noises. If the doctor claps, laughs and says “very nayce one, you remind me of ze homeland” then you’ve singlehandedly unveiled them (no pun) as a Muslamic. Get your arse out of there and never return.


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